outfield

In the next 10 days, I’ll be in the forsaken island again doing my section field camp. Hygiene will be compromised, fatigue will be built, rest will be a privilege. I’ll be stepping out of my comfort zone of the bunks & into the sand & grasses. It’s not like I’ve not been to field camp before but just that this time its a 10 day one. Though its only 3 days longer than my previous fieldcamp, I don’t expect it to be easy also.

I’ve never be a very up cadet. My standards are always average or sometimes below average. When volunteers are needed, I usually don’t raise my hand. I would prefer to relax & do things my pace. I believe if things goes on like that, I would be called up for Performace Review Board soon. Therefore in this fieldcamp, I would try to be the zai person.

My goal for this fieldcamp is to control my temper. You know when people get stressed & tired, emotions get loose. 10 days is a good time to try to improve myself alittle bit more in self-mastery. Another thing to note would be not doing stupid things to get my book outs burn as my next book out would be Feb 12. A day just before the Chinese New Year period.

So hopefully, the next entry will be on next next Friday to come. Till then, wish me luck. I’ll be missing the world outside.

pondering

I got this question inside my head for the past week. Can good friends end up as couples..

It all started when I was chatting with one of my section mate during lecture to keep each other awake. We talk about relationships & girlfriends. He was really an amazing guy. He knew his current girlfriend 4 days before he enlisted then got attached during his second week of enlistment. I only heard of NS breaking up relationships but never before guys getting girlfriend during NS.

The reason he gave me was simple, he get to know the girl with the intention of wooing her but not being friends. He said, ain’t it strange to be good friends then to become couple. Yeah, it made some sense. I believed unless the girl has mutual affection, it will be very hard for good friends to proceed on with only the guy doing the wooing.

Perhaps that’s why I can’t get one but don’t get me wrong. I’m not applying this case with me to anyone. It applies to the general. This thought just struck me out of nowhere also. As not long ago, I’ve made a bet with a friend of mine. I’ll have to get a girlfriend & she’ll have to get her driving license, whoever achieve the bet first will get a treat from the other.

All along I believed that a guy has to befriend the girl, become a good friend then close friends with her then it can turn into a relationship. Now I’m pondering what’s actually the correct way instead..

disconnected

Every week I’ll set a main priority for me to do over the weekend & I’ll only set one because it’s quite hard to do more than one when I’m given that certain amount of free time when I book out. For this week, the main thing is to buy a printer & I got one with less than 15 mins of shopping. Went over to Courts, select on a few models, ask around for advice then bought it on the spot. Effective shopping but it comes with no joy of buying something. Nevertheless, I still got what I wanted & fulfilled what I set out to do.

Complains aside. I’m actually doing good to be honest. Apart from lacking of sleep & free time, most things are still within my level of handling. If my constant flow of complains made you think that I’m emo-ing or suffering, then I’m sorry. I just can’t help it. I work hard on it though.

This is all due to the fact that whenever I book out & meet up with my friends, I’ll feel so disconnected with them. I’ve the feeling of like not seeing them like for so long already. Weeks feel like months to me. News & updates about them are like always outdated when they reach me. It’s not a good feeling seriously. *sucks thumb*

So if any Minister of Defence or Chief of Army Sir, if you happen to come across to my blog. I’ve a brillant suggestion about OCS to offer. Since OCS is a 38 weeks course & cadets only get to book out on Sat, how about we do a little maths. Cadets get to book out on Friday evenings instead of Sat afternoons, so this means a half day less every week from the training schedule. And in return, the course will extend for 19 more days (38 x 0.5 = 19) thus near one more month added to the date of commission. I believe this will definitely get the morale high.

If Sir, you’re not in agreement to this suggestion please treat this as another complain from me. I don’t need any extras or guard duties to remind me of my responsibilites.

On a lighter note, I received this the moment I turned on my comp when I booked out yesterday. If only this happens in real life face to face…

fourth week

How fast has it been since I entered OCS. Nearing 1 month already. The past few weeks has been really like a roller coaster ride for me. Full of ups & downs, mentally fucked by situations here & there. But rest assured I’m still surviving. The “status” chapter is finally over for me. Thankfully.

Speaking of status, in case you don’t know, I can safely say that you must have not read my password protected post. Up till now, I only have less than 10 people asking me for the password. Am I really that cold & unapproachable or you people are too shy or not bothered to ask..

The weekends are really short for me. Taking away Sunday for assignments & preparing for book in, I only have half of a Saturday to do what I want to do. 4 weeks seems like 4 months. I seem to be disconnected with the world for so long already. I’m not seen some of my friends for so long already. It’s been so long ago since I have too much time & nothing to do. Guess this is the life of a officer cadet in training.

8 more months. 32 more weeks to go. Honestly I still cannot clearly picture myself commission-ing in Sept this year. All I’m doing now is to aim for short term. Now what I want to do is just to complete service term (which ends in march) to the best that I can. As for pro-term or what vocation will I go, I’ll just handle it when the time comes.

On a lighter note, I’ll be able to use Facebook in bunk. So if you wanna know how I’m doing, just keep track of my Facebook status. Bye.

2010 resolutions

10 resolutions for the new year 2010.

It’s abit late as its already mid-Jan already. But still it’s better than never. I don’t like to set empty goals so it took me quite some time to come up with 10 goals for the year. The 10 goals are of equal importance & ranked are in alphabetical order.

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year end review 09

The time has once again come to end for the year 2009 & I really had a very bad day on the last day of the year. I shall end off my 2009 by reviewing all the goals I’ve set 365 days ago.

The 4 done ones are getting into OCS, getting my car licence, going on a graduation holiday trip & learning a martial art. I’m really proud of the first 2 goals as it really took me effort & lots of luck to achieve that. The graduation trip was fun even though KL wasn’t not my list of destinations except the stomach flu. Learning a martial art was a half fuck one. I guess I can never master a martial art in my life. I’m simply too lazy & have no commitment. But at least I’ve attended martial art lessons before so its considered done. 

The 4 undone ones will be getting a girlfriend, GPA cumulative of 3.5, getting rid of the hokkien vulgarities & revamping my room. The first goal I had nothing to say except its a personality problem & I’m just too lousy. The cumulative GPA of 3.5 was really wasted, I got 3.4 instead. Perhaps I should had tried to be more serious in the last semester. The hokkien vulgarities are like in my blood already so dont bother waste time going through it. Finally the last one on revamping my room was simply because I was too lazy. I had the time but lack the effort. However, partly it was due to the poor layout of my room also.

Lastly the least tangible goal, being less emo & withdrawn. I believed since I’ve walked out of my dark patch last year, I’ve never been into any period more worse yet. I’ve learnt & tried to be less emo & open up to people. Nonetheless, I still had the little bit of emo-ing & withdrawal symptoms in me. So this goal is considered sorta done.

Totalling up everything, 4.5 / 9 ain’t too bad. At least I managed to get half of them done. So I guess year 2009 had been quite a pleasant year for me.

Except for the last day. Something significant happened & I don’t really know how to talk about these in words thus I’ve decided to blog it out. So for the first time in my blogging history, you’ll see 2 entries in a day. It’ll also be the first time I’ll be using a password protected post because this is too sensitive. I don’t wish to have people I’m not closed with to read that. So if you wanna know more, text me for the password.

longpong cadet

How much is pride worth ? Why am I doing here ?
These are the questions I’ve been asking myself.

OOC. Commision. Service Term. Injuries. SISPEC. Man.
These are the thoughts in my mind for the past 4 days.

I’ve seem to have taken a bite bigger than what I can chew. Adapting & adjusting are always hard in the first few days probably. But how to when everyone is celebrating the festive season & enjoying. Its going to be a tough 37 weeks ahead.

Must learn to enjoy the little things.

OCS

The long awaited block leave seem to come & go like the wind. 10 days of civilian life reminded of how sweet freedom can tastes like before I’m hurled back into reality. What awaits me is 9 months of tough times & also the 3 weeks confinement. While people are celebrating the festive season, I’ll be counting days inside my bunk. Luckily its no longer in the god forsaken island. This time it’s all for pride.

Looking back at what I did in my block leave, it actually aint that bad after all. I got to go for other people’s POP, play soccer, chill with my friends, catch up with friends, go club, play mahjong, play cards like before enlistment. I even went to batam with my parents to spend quality time & drive a car there.

But I can really expect shit coming in the next few months. Alot of shit in fact. Weekends to be burn. Muscles to be ache. Mind to be fucked.What I’m feeling now can be refer back to the 9th September post. The same old reluctant & procastinating thoughts inside me. However, as long as I can steer clear of injuries & made it through. I’ll be the first sword holder in my family like what my dad said to me. For that word of him, I’m gonna give it my best.

So the same words goes again. I dont wanna book in. I want to go in NS learn things I never did & come of it a changed & better man instead of wasting the 2 years. I’ll once again take the leap of faith into the deep jungle. Endure & overcoming myself to become a better person. 

I hope I dont regret this.

posting

In friendship, I’m not very close to everyone.
In terms on physical, I’m not one of the best.
In skills, sometimes I also blur like a cock.
In leading, I’m not a vocal person in nature.

I never stood out. I was never outstanding. Low profile & leading only when tasked to. My PC dont know about me I guess. When he spoke about OCS to the top 5 guys in the platoon, I wasn’t one of them. When he wrote testimony for them regarding OCS, I obviously don’t have.

I had my heart set on SISPEC way before my POP. I knew my standards were not there. My leadership qualities are also not excellent. Even the quiz I did on Facebook said I would be a 3rd SGT. I still thought about going back to Tekong as a SGT. Today I got my posting. OCS (Army wing). I don’t know to be happy or not. Yes, I achieved my goal. But I’m not relieved because I’m starting to worry for what’s next to be coming in the next 9 months.